Helping Your Kids Cope With Party Anxiety

The party invitation arrives in your mailbox in a big colorful envelope promising fun and surprises.  So why is your kid hiding under the kitchen table?  

Well there are lots of possibilities here.  Anxiety is prevalent in our society – be it hard wiring, our stressful environment, lack of connectedness -  its here to stay.

Helping our little ones through these times is vitally important not only for them now but also to help prepare them for those times of stress and anxiety to come in adulthood. 

It is important to first determine if this issue is based in fear or if your little one simply becomes overwhelmed with the party environment which can often be chaotic and overwhelming. Some children see the invitation and immediately have thoughts of separation - “Mommy will be leaving me there … alone!” Some have thoughts of social isolation believing no one will play with them or that they will embarrass themselves failing at a party game.

These fears are very common and can usually be calmed with a hug and a little reassurance.

But what happens when the extra hug and little whisper promising to return doesn't seem to do the trick?

What happens when your little one gets there and starts to cry or can't let go of you?

Just imagine being 4 feet tall entering a warehouse sized room filled with bounce stations, loud music and flashing lights! It can be terrifying.Thoughts swirl through their little heads of getting lost, not being able to find the bathroom, being separated from the group or even trapped in one of the activities. 

The key here is first to be tuned into your child's needs. Listen to their concerns and watch their body language. You know your child best – do they generally act out when they are emotionally overwhelmed?  Do they cling, cry, get tummy aches?  Watch and listen! 

Fear or sensory overload, the response is the same. Stop in your tracks and be in the moment with your child. Validate their fears letting them know you understand and that this happens to a lot of kids – maybe even to you! Let them know you will help them through this – that you won't just drop them off leaving them to figure it out alone. Do a little investigation trying to get to the underlying cause. 

It may sound completely ridiculous to you but to your child it could be overwhelming.  And if your child is inconsolable it is OK to leave. There is no benefit to making them stay in a terrifying environment. And again, if it does get to this point reassurance is key! Not reward – reassurance. 

Now that you are aware – prepare! Kids are really smart so talking to them about fear and anxiety is actually easy.  Again, first validate their thoughts and feelings. They need to know these thoughts and feelings are real and normal.  Let them know lots of kids go through this, that going to unfamiliar places can be scary and it is normal to feel that way. 

Talk, talk, talk and talk some more. They may have questions about parties - “Why do parents have to leave … Can parents stay … Can parents stay for a little while … What if I have to use the bathroom … What if I can't find the bathroom … What if I have an accident … What if I don't want to eat lunch … What if I don't like the cake … What if no one plays with me … What if s/he doesn't like my gift ...” the list goes on and on. Take your time addressing each question.

Prepare with smaller practice events. Play dates are a great way to ease your child into a larger environment. Start small with a familiar friend eventually expanding to two, three and four friends. Then change the venue – possibly a local park, play environment etc.  Each time going to a larger and less familiar area.

With older children you can explain to them there is a part of their brain that acts like a guard dog. Sometimes the guard dog just barks at everything instead of taking a nap once in a while! Then practice getting their guard dog sleep.

Relaxation techniques are easy and fun.  Please visit Deb Smith Healing Arts for fast and easy relaxation tips like belly breathing and progressive muscle relaxation.  Enjoy the party!