It’s My Birthday and I’ll Cry if I Want to: What to Expect From the Terrible Twos.

Most toddlers are attempting to understand and control these changes, which often results in temper tantrums.  Language development is rapidly progressing at this age, but at a different rate for all children.  By two years old, most toddlers can follow one step commands without a gesture, can say between 50 and 100 words, and can start to say many two-word phrases or sentences.  In spite of an increase in vocabulary, communication is still often difficult, and tantrums occur as a result of frustration over how to express him or herself.  Try to limit open-ended questions, and instead offer choices, asking “would you like to wear the red or blue shirt today?”

Toddlers are looking to explore their environment and test limits.  They are starting to understand that they can accomplish things on their own but that they must also follow rules.  When they are scolded for acting out of turn, they often react with frustration and misbehavior.  An inability to fully understand and control emotions will likely result in crying, screaming, and sometimes even hitting, biting or kicking.  Remember to try your best to remain calm, and not react negatively, which may result in reinforcing the behavior.  Try to redirect the child and help to find an outlet; go for a walk, run around outside, sing a silly song, or find another activity.  Help your child to set reasonable limits, making sure he or she understands what behavior is dangerous or unacceptable.  Providing your toddler with some amount of independence will likely reinforce good behavior.  Try to also “catch him or her being good.”  Praise your child for good behavior such as playing nicely with others, completing a task independently, or for not having a tantrum.

Keep in mind that certain things will likely trigger a tantrum.  Know your toddler’s limits.  Recognize that hunger, fatigue, and boredom are common causes of a tantrum.  Anticipate these triggers by having healthy snacks on hand and trying not to schedule activities or errands when your child would normally sleep or nap.  Be prepared to leave if a tantrum escalates.

Remember that the behaviors of most two year olds are not a reflection of your parenting skills.  Toddlers are not maliciously defying you.  Children feel most comfortable around their caregivers and therefore trust you enough to test limits and misbehave.  They know who will help them when they are in distress.  Always be prepared for a range of emotions, but contact your pediatrician if you feel your child is withdrawn, excessively sad, or if you have other concerns about his or her behavior.

Leslie Greenberg, M.D., FAAP is a Pediatrician at Princeton Nassau Pediatrics.  Princeton Nassau Pediatrics is a group of board certified general pediatricians with offices in Princeton, West Windsor, Monroe, and Pennington, New Jersey.  For more information, please visit www.princetonnassaupediatrics.com.