In the spirit of my series, Tips the Parenting Magazines Won’t Tell You, I am pleased to present “Books that Won’t be Published”, part of my ever-expanding offering of exceptional literature.

Last year, a bearded portly guy came to town and made me an attractive offer. He’d get my kids to behave if I built him up to be some kind of present-giving hero. Never mind that he employed unpaid elves and a team of mutant flying reindeer, what bothered me were the terms of his bargain: If the kids behaved, then he’d dole out presents. If they didn’t, well then...you don’t want to know.

Winter break is almost upon us which means between college schedules changing and the time off from school for my own children, it’s time to introduce a new batch of baby sitters to the ways of our family. Since I find it so hard to brush my teeth while writing out emergency contact numbers, I’ve planned ahead and created this little tip sheet. Feel free to modify this to suit your own needs.